These Moments That Matter The Most
by free-2write-4me
Summary: Calliope asks one of the most important questions on one of the worst days.
1. Chapter 1

They say that over time the death of a loved one gets easier to acknowledge. It becomes ,somehow, easier to accept_._ They say that the pain fades; it becomes a dull ache instead of an open wound. It heals. The pain might flare up,every know and then, but mostly on those special occasions like holidays and birthdays. They've even mapped out the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. They've practically set out a timeline, given everyone a perfectly ordered path to follow. Because that's just what you do,you keep talking about rainbows and relationships and crap and you move on. They say it gets better. They say it gets easier. That's what they say…what the hell do they really know?

--

"Ari…" Calliope said somewhat nervously, "Ari… I uh…kinda…just asked you a pretty important question…"

Arizona blinked slowly, looking down at Callie who kneeled before her a diamond engagement ring mocking her from the small black box Callie held in her hand.

"Calliope…" Arizona began her voice soft – broken.

"I know." Callie said quickly, a nervous smile on her face as she reached out to take one of Arizona's hands "I know it's a big step and I know that we've only been together for three years but I love you, I really do. I think that we could spend forever together, I know we could, and…I want..I _want_ to spend forever with you. Because..."

"My brother died today." Arizona interrupted, gently pulling her hand from Callie's, taking a step back.

"Oh god...Ari..I-I..."

"You're proposing to me…on the day my brother died."

They say it gets easier. They lied.

* * *

AN: This is my first Callie/Arizona story, please let me know what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ari…Arizona…it's uh me Callie…Calliope…again…I just, I haven't seen you at work and it's been two weeks. But, I know you've been at work, I guess you've just been…or we've…we've been missing each other… because…because your name has been on the board and I know you wouldn't let…whatever is going on with us keep you from helping kids and this is like the twentieth message I've left since yesterday. I totally respect your space thought totally, completly one-hundred percent respect y-... and I'm rambling again but…I just…just…let me know that you're okay, just…I love you and I'm so sorry and I…I just want to know that you're okay. So please…please…call me pl-"

Message Deleted

Arizona let out a sigh, staring at her answering machine hoping it would give her some answers, any answers would be helpful at this point.

It had been two weeks and three days since she'd last talked to Calliope, and yes, she could admit that she'd been counting. When you're away from the woman you loved, the woman who could have lit up your day with a smile, you count the days that you're apart.

Arizona inhaled sharply, realizing that she was thinking about Callie in the past tense, as if their relationship was over, but honestly, she wasn't sure if it wasn't. Because she didn't know what to do, she had no clue. She didn't know where to go or how to move forward.

Arizona was a woman who believed in rainbows and relationships and everything that went along with that. She believed in holding the door open, buying flowers and lighting candles. She believed in meeting the parents and talking to the Father, disclosing your intentions. She believed in hours spent talking about everything and nothing and she thought she had that with Callie, she really thought she did.

"Maybe I just never told her." Arizona murmured to herself as she moved to the kitchen, idly pushing around a half-full box of doughnuts. "This just…can't be happening…just…no." Arizona let out a quiet sigh exiting the kitchen moving to sit down on the couch, her body resting against the arm and her legs bent under her.

"How could she not know, just…how could she not know…I guess…it's not that important I mean… she was distracted and…probably nervous so…maybe" Arizona paused, an image of her brother flashing across her minds eye. Tears sprang to her eyes, it mattered, it mattered too much to try and pretend it didn't. Even if she never told Callie, Callie should've asked.

Arizona looked up, startled out of her memories due to a knock at the door she stood up, walking over to the door, wiping at her redrimmed eyes as she pulled it open.

"C-Callie…"

"I- I brought doughnuts…"

* * *

AN: Chapter 2 please tell me what you think. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter, your comments mean alot.


	3. Chapter 3

"C-can I come in?"

Arizona moved to the side, closing the door softly behind Callie. Not because she was ready to see her but because she wasn't ready to be at the point where Callie couldn't come in.

"So…so I brought doughnuts and I just…I just thought that we could talk. That-that we should talk."

Arizona opened her mouth to speak.

"And I know, I know I messed up…" Callie interrupted. "I know I messed up big time. But I just…I really hope we can talk, because I miss it...I miss…I miss you. So please…please talk to me about anything, because…I can't not talk to you."

"Okay." Arizona said softly, "We can talk. Have a seat." She said nodding to her couch.

Callie stood dumbstruck for a moment. Almost as if she couldn't believe she'd gotten this far. She sat the doughnuts on the kitchen counter before quickly taking a seat on the couch.

Arizona took a seat on the opposite end of the couch.

"I lost…" Arizona took a deep breath before continuing "I lost a patient today a little girl, Amber, seven years old. I'd been treating her for awhile and I knew." Arizona sighed, "I knew this day was coming. But it doesn't get any easier. It never does."

Callie nodded, "Well…next time…" she began.

"No!" Arizona said, anger flashing in her eyes. "You don't get it, there is no next time. There is no next time for her. There won't be a prom, there won't be a chance for her Father to walk her down the aisle. There won't be a first kiss or even…an eighth birthday! You don't get it. There's no next time for her and that's what matters! You don't get me! You don't care. You have never taken the time…" Arizona paused shaking her head as she tried to calm down. "You like to talk Callie. But you don't like to listen."

Arizona stood from the couch, going over to pull the door open. "You should go." She said softly, not meeting Callie's eyes.

Callie slowly stood from the couch, blinking back tears.

"I'm sorry.." She whispered as she brushed past Arizona.

"Me too." Arizona said softly as she closed the door. "Me too."


	4. Chapter 4

"I need a mesh wrap." Arizona said looking up for a brief moment, then back to the little girl lying on her surgical table.

"BP's dropping." A nurse informed her

"Where is this bleeding coming from…come on…come on, don't do this." Arizona said softly to herself as she searched frantically for the source of the hemorrhage.

Arizona's thoughts turned inward as she continued to search.

"_Come on Allison. Come on. Please don't do this. Please. Live and…I'll give up drinking so much coffee. You always told me that it was bad for me. Live and I'll make sure I…"_

"Clear!" Arizona yelled, pressing the defibrillator paddles to the girl's chest.

She looked over at the monitors.

"_Live and I'll change the monkey on my lab coat to a giraffe like you always wanted."_

"Clear!"

"_Please, please, just, live."_

"Dr. Robbins…." Lexie hesitantly said.

Arizona took a deep breath "Time of death." She began, her voice cracking, "10:00 a.m."

* * *

Arizona pushed open the door to an on-call room. She'd just come from telling Allison's parents the news. She'd just come from telling them that there would be no more birthdays, no more graduations, no more waving good-bye or saying hello. No more hugs and kisses from their little girl, no more hearing her laughter or being there to comfort her when she was sad. No more.

The shaft of light from the hallway fell onto one of the beds in the room, causing the sleeping figure in that bad to stir and wake.

"A-Ari?" Callie said groggily, sitting up. She immediately moved to get up out of bed. "I'm sorry, I'll go."

"No." Arizona said kicking off her shoes then moving over to the bed, pulling back the covers and sliding in next to Callie.

She felt Callie hesitantly wrap her arms around her.

"I heard…I heard about Allison…I'm so sorry."

"I know…me too." Arizona whispered, resting her head on Callie's shoulder as the tears began to come.

* * *

AN: So I don't know if anyone has noticed, but sincee mentioning the stages of grief in the first chapter I've tried to make every chapter after that reflect a stage. This chapter would be bargaining. I had a really hard time with it so and as a result felt the need to explain. Please let me know what you think. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story. It means a lot!


	5. Chapter 5

"_I want to go home."_

"_You said I'd be okay." _

"_You promised"_

"_I trusted you" _

_One by one the small children spoke to Arizona. Their faces pale and drawn, starring at her with cold unforgiving eyes that lacked the warmth of sunny days, play dates, magic and fairy dust. Wishes and dreams. _

"_I trusted you." Echoed throughout the dream, cold enveloping her, and everywhere she turned another small child faded away - replaced by a tiny coffin. _

"_I'm sorry. Please…I'm sorry" She tried to say but the words wouldn't come out. She was struggling for air, gasping for breath that wouldn't fill her lungs. "I did everything I could. I tried. I'm sorry."_

"Doctor Robbins! Dr. Robbins…Arizona!"

Arizona shot up from the on-call room bed gasping for air, covered in a cold sweat. She looked around for a moment, struggling to regain her bearings as her mind swirled with young voices and small faces. Those she couldn't save.

She leaned forward, putting her feet on the floor, her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands, taking deep breaths. Usually, at this part, she'd have Callie nearby to calm her or at least, the thought of her. Callie would reach out and pull her close and the whisperings of 'I love you' somehow made the pain – the guilt – cut a little less deep.

"What can I do for you Bailey?" she said, blinking away those memories.

Bailey cleared her throat, taking a small step closer. "I have a patient…5 year old girl. Chelsea. She's exhibiting shortness of breath and she's easily fatigued. I heard a heart murmur and I'm wondering what you think…"

Arizona pondered for a moment. "Try an echocardiogram. I'm thinking ASD" she finally said

"Atrial Septal Defect?" Bailey asked

Arizona nodded, standing and pulling on her lab coat. "Is that all Bailey? This seemed pretty straight forward…" she asked.

"Yes." Bailey nodded "Thank you." She said turning to leave, pausing at the door, turning back to Arizona.

"Actually…no…" she said.

"Yes?" Arizona asked

"Look, whatever Torres did I think you should just talk to her about it. You've been basically living at this hospital for the last two weeks and…you're not all…perky and…I mean...hell…you haven't even been wearing those ridiculous roller shoes. So you should just talk to her and get back to being all…rainbow-y" Bailey said with a nod.

Arizona paused, "So...does this count as 'telling business'?" she finally asked.

"No it doesn't. This is me telling you what to do. I'm not sharing I'm telling." Bailey said. "Telling" and with that Bailey turned opening the door, closing it behind her.

Arizona sighed, sitting back down on the bed. It was true she'd been…not herself lately. She could feel it. But she couldn't quiet muster the energy to change it. What was the point? Perky and peppy got a girlfriend that proposed to her the day her bother died. Maybe it was time to try dark and twisty.

Arizona couldn't help but laugh lightly to herself. "Dark and twisty…" she said standing, "Where does that even come from…"

She looked down, her pager beeping.

"911" she murmured rushing towards the pit as ambulances began to roll in.

* * *

AN: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far. They really mean a lot. I'm particulary interested to hear what everyone says about this chapter because I used Bailey in it and I'm not really confident I got her 'voice' quite right, so please let me know what you thank. A few more chapters of this story but I've already got another much longer story floaten about in my head. Please read and review. Thanks.


	6. Chapter 6

Ten hours, six surgeries, and two losses later Arizona was scrubbing out of what would hopefully be her last surgery of the day. There'd been a fire at a home run day-care and, needless to say, her sleep would be a restless one tonight.

"She's a mess…"

Arizona turned, looking over at Mark Sloan who'd been assisting her with surgery six year old little girl who'd had some pretty serious burns. Alicia.

Arizona paused before answering. The only sound between them the running of water. She realized who Mark was probably talking about. Of course she knew.

She shook her head slightly choosing to address the more appropriate work related topic. She began to reply "Well…we did the best we could and I think that she'll definitely have some scaring b-"

"No not her. Callie."

"Dr. Sloan…" Arizona sighed, feeling the beginnings of the return of a headache that, in all honesty, hadn't let up since she'd first been paged.

"Arizona." Mark interrupted her, turning to look at her as he dried his hands. Arizona didn't meet his eyes. But Mark continued to speak. "It's worse than George, worse than Erica. George, the idiot…"

"Mark!" Arizona exclaimed outside of his treatment of Callie Arizona had a certain respect for George.

"Look…George, what I saw of him, he was an excellent surgeon. But to have a woman like Callie…and not see what he had. Well… he was an idiot to let her go. But, either way, George…he, dented her armor. Erica, she broke the armor into pieces. But this…you…you've shattered it. Shattered her. People make mistakes. She's admitted she's made the mistake…can you really not forgive her?" Mark waited a beat, simply watching Arizona. "Just think about it…can you really be another one of those people who lets her go?" he asked

Arizona didn't answer and after he finished drying his hands Mark left.

* * *

After Arizona had finished scrubbing out and made a few post-op editions to some patients' charts. She left the hospital, heading to the parking lot. As she moved to open her car door she saw through the window, sitting on her passenger seat, sunglasses. Sunglasses that most definitely did not belong to her.

The memory flooded back as Arizona stood in the parking lot, one hand on the car door.

"_Arizona, where are we going?" Callie asked looking over at her with a small smile. A few wisps of her jet black mane whipping around her face as Arizona drove them down the highway, with the windows and sunroof down on a beautiful Seattle day. Her eyes were hidden by a pair of sunglasses. But Arizona didn't need to see them to know that the smile on Callie's face was mirrored in her eyes._

"_Callie, you think if you keep asking I'll tell you?" Arizona teased, "You're acting like one of my patients." _

"_Well...is it working?" Callie asked with a laugh._

_Arizona flashed Callie a dimpled smile, looking back at the road, as she merged off of the highway, having to stop at a red light. She reached over, pushing Callie's sunglasses back so she could see her eyes. "No." she said softly, leaning over for a brief kiss. "But it's cute that you're trying."_

_Callie had smiled pressing their lips back together for a moment. As Arizona pulled back, she looked into Callie's eyes, and in that moment, she realized. This is forever. _

Arizona was startled out of her thoughts by the slamming of a car door.

"What am I doing? I can't let her go." she mumbled to herself, immediately turning and taking off towards Callie's apartment.

She took the stairs two at a time, not bothering with the elevator.

"Please be home. Please be home." She said softly, as she raised her hand to knock on Callie's door.

* * *

AN: Thanks to everyone who as reviewed so far. As a bit of incentive and a thank you to those who review. The first five reviews, give me a prompt and I'll give you a drabble. : ). Regardless, please let me know what you think of this chapter. Particularly Mark's characterization.


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